Embedded Files
1. Solitaire
2. Lottery
3. Life Is
4. Grey Street (acoustic DMB cover)
5. Isn’t Everything Enough
6. Interlude One
7. Grace To Love (acoustic version feat. Brenda Janz)
8. A Mile In Your Shoes
9. Interlude Two
10. Your Beauty
11. Entre Nous (acoustic Rush cover)
12. When I’m Ready
13. A Special Kind Of Happy
14. Interlude Three…
Executive Producers:
Kevin and Nancy Boese
Produced by Philip Janz, Co-Produced by Kevin Boese
Album artwork by Jonathan Warkentin-Lovely
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Philip Janz at Hi Tyme Studios,
Abbotsford, BC, Canada
Musicians:
Kevin Boese: lead vocals and acoustic guitars
Philip Janz: vocals, keyboards, percussion, programming, drums on tracks 8 and 10
Jared Falk: drums on tracks 1, 2, 5, 12 and 13
Matt Weeks: bass guitar
Brian Thiessen: electric guitars and dobro
Brenda Janz: vocals and guest vocalist on “Grace to Love”
All songs written by Kevin Boese except the cover tunes noted.
SOLITAIRE
Better to keep moving than stagnating
Better to notice than be totally unaware
Better to try and fail than not to try at all, right?
That's why I'm trying right now
That's what I'm trying right now
Playing solitaire on my phone
With some concern that life is passing me by
Is this what it's like to be stuck?
Well, it sure at least feels that way
Trying to know what I don't understand
Learning to feel what I can't
Falling to get up and try it again
I'm trying again
Better to ask some questions, with no answers
Better to listen than keep blowing hot air
I don't need to figure this out!
I can't keep pointing the same way
I can't keep track of where I've been
I can't keep up with everything
I can keep on forgiving me
I can keep stepping out in faith
I can keep trying anything
This was the first tune I wrote in my “new season of songwriting” inspired by learning twenty DMB tunes and a couple of Rush songs. “Isn't Everything Enough” came soon after. Playing these two songs was my first experience of enjoying my own stuff on a whole new level. In big part this was because of the increased difficulty of singing and playing them, and the satisfaction of pulling them off well. Just playing them by myself in rehearsal was fun enough but pulling them off live has been a major rush.
LOTTERY
Forget scratch and win, I was born a winner
This part of the world, my family of origin
Nature and nurture have worked in my favour
I can get down, frustrated with where I'm at
I may not be where I want to be
But then I look around, it's not so hard to see
I've won the friggin' lottery
Forget hashtag blessed or my own bootstraps
A self-made man is a ridiculous concept
Nature and nurture have worked in my favour
It's not a cop-out but necessitates thankfulness
When much has been given, much is expected
Just look around, it's not so hard to see
I've won the friggin' lottery
This one generates some interesting discussions. Being a white male of certain privilege is something to be reckoned with.
LIFE IS
I hate that it's so hard for you
When it's so easy for me, to see beyond
The losses life will force us through
While I can carry on a peaceful, joyful, optimistic, disconnected
Life is paradox and contradiction
Life is heaven on earth and going through hell this
Life is all the above and all that we know so far
I hate that it's so hard for you
While I've been lucky, it seems, at least compared to
You and all you've had to do
To even glimpse a happier maybe even loving, fulfilled and contented
Life is paradox and contradiction
Life is heaven on earth and going through hell, this
Life is disappointment, full of surprises
Life is rock and a hard place, light in the tunnel
Life is all the above and all that we know so far
So near and yet so far
Life is paradox and contradiction
Life is heaven on earth and going through hell, this
Life is disappointment, full of surprises
Life is rock and a hard place, light in the tunnel
Life is ecstasy and devastation
Life is mundane and boring, vacations and parties
Life is all the above and all that we know so far
So near and yet so far
I hate that it's so hard for you
While many struggle with what's been called a Monkey Brain, I seem to have a pretty mellow monkey. And while I can get emotional here and there, I'm nowhere near the “feeler” that my wife (and others in my life) are. I'm learning how to begin to maybe try and get a glimpse into understanding how folks are different from me. Speaking of differences, so much of life is seeing and holding the tension of extremes. For that reason, I thought about calling this album “Both And”. I've always been inspired by Father Richard Rohr's phrase, “Everything belongs” which can be challenging to consider.
GREY STREET (acoustic Dave Matthews Band cover)
Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out onto Grey Street
She thinks, “Hey, how did I come to this
I dream myself a thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place?”
There's emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says, “I pray, but they fall on deaf ears
Am I supposed to take this on myself
To get out of this place?”
And there's loneliness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together to grey
And it breaks her heart
There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says “Take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It'd take the work out of the courage”
But she says, “Please, there's a crazy man creeping outside my door
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”
And there's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together to grey
And it breaks her heart
It feels so grey, and it breaks my heart
This is definitely one of my favourite DMB tunes. I feel like it addresses folks (like some of my own family members) who struggle with their mental health, in a powerful way. I always feel like it takes a lot out of me, physically and emotionally, to perform this song well.
ISN'T EVERYTHING ENOUGH
All we have is here
Now is all we have
Guilt and shame of the past
Future fears and unknowns
Attempt to disturb our peace
Isn't everything enough
Isn't everything enough
Isn't everything enough
Spinning, swirling thoughts, known and unknown, keep us
Spinning, swirling through our lives mostly unknown
All we have is here
Now is all we have
Isn't everything enough
All we have is here
Now is all we have
The joy of each breath
The quiet of peace
Simple is often best
Isn't everything enough
Isn't everything enough
All we have is here
Thank you, Sam Harris, for the quote I heard on your Waking Up meditation app which was something like, “All we have is here. Isn't everything enough?” I LOVE playing this song as I think it's the best of my music as influenced by Rush and DMB. Philip really captured that in this production.
GRACE TO LOVE (acoustic version feat. Brenda Janz)
I'm a mess, you're a mess
Let's be a mess together
Your eyes are blind, and so are mine
Let's look at one another, and see grace
I'm a judge, you're a judge
Let's release each other
You're a sinner and a saint
I'm a peasant and a king
Let's see ourselves and others with
Grace to light each other's world
Grace to lift each other's load
Grace to love, grace to love
Grace to give when others take
Grace to forgive a friend's mistake
Grace to love, grace to love
(Grace to believe the best when we've heard the worst)
You may be right, I may be right
Let's work it out together
You're not the same as me
And I, I am different than you so
Let's be ourselves together
(Grace to give and take a word that's hard to hear
Grace to see, really see each other
Grace to give up our right to be right ...)
Together we can light the world
Together we can share the load
With grace to love, grace to love
Together we're a work of art
Together we're stronger than apart
With grace to love, grace to love
I wrote this song back in 2010 as I was recording my previous album ONE, on which it first appeared. It continues to be a favourite of mine and others. One day I stumbled into this arrangement of it and thought it was worth recording again. Hope you do too.
A MILE IN YOUR SHOES
Could I walk a mile in your shoes
If I could I'd realize just what you've been through
That has led you to this place, the demons you have faced
Could I walk a mile in your shoes
Do I have the right to presume
That I would choose differently if I had been you
How arrogant and blind, to think I'd get it right
Do I have the right to presume
Tell me your story, if you can trust me
Show me your scars
Tell me your story
Would it take a miracle of grace
To try to understand each other, whatever it takes
To look you in the eye, to honour what I find
Would it take miracle of grace
Tell me your story, if you can trust me
Show me your scars
Tell me your story, if you believe I'm listening, really listening
Could I walk a mile in your shoes
If I could I'd realize just what you've been through
I'd look you in the eye, and honour what I find
Would it take miracle, should it take a miracle
Could I walk a mile with you
Could I wear your shoes
What if I were you
Many years ago, we got to know a guy who had spent 20 years in prison and he eventually came to live with us for almost a year. During that time, I heard more about his traumatic, dysfunctional, addiction fueled upbringing and began to ask myself the questions that became this song.
YOUR BEAUTY
Wandering through this life together
Wondering what has brought us close
Knowing you're the greater part of this relational equation
I think I realize what it is
The beauty in your courage helps me face my fears and doubts
The beauty in your strength lifts me up from where I've fallen
The beauty in your heart stirs my passion for you
Your beauty captivates me
Do you really know this truth that I'm singing
Can you let it sink right in
Growing older with you brings so much pleasure (well, mostly pleasure)
Here are some reasons why that is
(not an exhaustive list…)
The beauty in your courage helps me face my fears and doubts
The beauty in your strength lifts me up from where I've fallen
The beauty in your heart stirs my passion for you
Your beauty draws me near, your beauty draws me closer
Your beauty captivates me
Before and early in our marriage I wrote a number of songs for Nan, some better than others. This one has stood the test of time for me, so I surprised her by including it here and must have earned at least a few points. I obviously wrote this around the time John Mayer's first album “Room For Squares” came out :).
ENTRE NOUS (acoustic Rush cover)
We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel no one else has read
Even joined in bonds of love
We're linked to one another by such slender threads
We are planets to each other
Drifting in our orbits to a brief eclipse
Each of us a world apart
Alone and yet together like two passing ships
Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes feared to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between leave room
For you and I to grow
We are strangers to each other
Full of sliding panels, an illusion show
Acting well-rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart, it's hard for one to know
We are islands to each other
Building hopeful bridges on a troubled sea
Some are burned or swept away
Some we would not choose but we're not always free
The iconic Canadian rock band Rush has been my all-time favourite band since elementary school. I remember in grade 6 or 7 playing their song “By-Tor and the Snow Dog” for a friend, which features amazing drum fills right off the bat after each phrase of the first verse. This amazing drummer, Neil Peart, is considered one of the best rock drummers of all time, but, interestingly, he also wrote nearly all the band's lyrics, which are so creatively featured in this song. Tragically he died of brain cancer in 2020 at the age of 67, just a couple of years into his retirement. I created this arrangement at that time to honour him.
WHEN I'M READY
Well I'm not cute, but I got a lot going on
You can say what you want me to do
And I'll mull it over for a while
I'll make some good points
Various takes on authors recently read
You'll scratch your head and reply
That's all good but will you do that thing I asked
I'll do it when I'm ready
I'll do it when it's right for me to do
I'll do it when I'm ready
When it suits me, not only you
I'm not the only one here with issues
Your reaction is proving that to be true
I didn't ask you to take the ring to Mordor
Though I was a little crusty too
We got a rip-roaring game going on here
Where's this back and forth going to land
But I'm taking a timeout for snack time
I'll let you know when I'm back in
I'll do it when I want to
I'll do it when it works for me to do
I'll do it when I'm ready
When it suits me, not only you
In addition to writing songs for Nan, it makes sense that I've written songs for my kids as well. But a couple of years ago I realized one of the four didn't have a song yet. So, I set about writing one for their birthday. I was inspired by their overall reluctance to do things before they were good and ready, and by several funny phrases they've used over the years that we still have a good laugh about. It turned into a song that I really love to play so it made it onto this album. Sorry to the other kids whose songs haven't made it onto an album … yet.
A Special Kind of Happy
Day off on a sunny day
Bike on the rack in my rear-view mirror
Trails dry and running fast
Big smile on my face
Is this a special kind of happy
Does it get better than this
Is this a special kind of happy
I get to experience, this
Old stories passed around
Kids laughing out loud
Catching Nancy's loving eyes, with a
Big smile on my face
God knows life can be devastating
None are spared of pain
But in spite or because of it I know the gift of this
Grateful for this
Standing here in front of you
Singing my heart out through these songs and
Knowing we're in this together
Big smile on my face
I get to do this
We get to do this
Maybe not so surprisingly, the title of this song came to me while mountain biking on a sunny day off. :) A phrase I've often repeated with my mountain biking buddy Jeff is “We get to do this.” A while back one of my daughters helped me design a Yeti mug with that phrase, as mementos for Jeff and myself. So, when I played this song for her she immediately said, “You need to sing 'We get to do this' at the end!” It was right there. Not sure how I missed it.
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